Penny For Your Thoughts
by randomnosity
Summary: When he wakes up, the first thing he remembers is her voice. Clear and beautiful. And he decides that he’s going to find her someday, and that day is going to be soon. oneshot, warnings inside. R&R.


General notes:

1) The story takes place in modern day Japan.

2) I used their seishi names instead of their real names. Why? Too lazy to check what their real names are and I'm writing this in the dead of night… Sue me.

3) Warnings include character death, mild swearing, and OOC-ness.

Enjoy the story.

-

"Hm, yeah, I guess this would be really awkward right now if you could hear me. Actually, it _should_ be awkward. Guess I'm just weird like that. I shouldn't be here anyway, so if they catch me I think I'll lose the job… It's my third job in a month, y'know? I'm tired of getting fired. I don't know if you've ever been fired but it's, like, the worst feeling, especially if you didn't do anything wrong. I was working at this supermarket and I got fired five days ago. I don't know why, seriously. They just went all 'You're fired! Get out!' before I could ask questions. I hope it's not because I destroyed a bunch of cereal boxes but crashing into them with a cart… It was a mess, I swear; there was cereal everywhere. Whatever. This must be boring for you.

"I don't know what to say to you… Maybe the fact that you can't answer me helps me talk… You know what, screw this. Nice meeting you."

-

"So I lied. I'm back. Maybe you'll understand a bit more if I explain something to you. Okay, so have you ever had any real friends? As in, really close? So close they're family to you? I haven't. I don't know what it's like to have a sister or a best friend. Don't give me that look, I _have_ friends. Well, acquaintances, y'know? I go out with them once a month or I catch a ride with them after class but that's all. I'll admit I sound pretty much like a loser right now.

"My point…Oh yeah, I just wanted to talk about something. I think they say that if you need to confess or just unload the shit you have inside, go to a priest or a shrink. But I don't feel as though I'm mentally unstable or whatever. You think I am? Scratch that, you can't answer. Okay, so…. This'll probably sound really corny, just don't laugh…you know, inside your brain.

"I…hm… like this guy. Lame, I know. Could have been much more interesting. I bet you're going all 'Can't she shut up?' inside but I don't really mind. I won't tell you his name, though. Maybe you know him, maybe you don't, but I don't want you to mentally mock me or…yeah. Hey, I'm wondering --I know you can't answer, don't worry--, are you, like, asleep in there, or are you conscious…somewhat? I should ask a doctor, not you, obviously.

"Wait, I'm trying to remember where I was… Right. The guy I like. He's got this amazing girlfriend, and she's my friend's friend… I meet him at parties and recently at a small birthday. He's seriously handsome. I won't describe him, or you'll get all embarrassed inside. I wonder if you can blush even though… Nah, probably not.

"Oh, shit, they're calling me. Later, I guess."

-

"So it's been what… three days? Ain't much happening in my life. My mom and I went to visit some colleges yesterday. I don't really like any of them. She wants me to go to a fancy one but I like the community college better. We're not short on money and all, but I think it'd be better if I went to the cheapest one. And I don't even know what the hell I want to do later so I guess we shouldn't spend a lot of money for that… Okay, I don't make sense.

"I wonder what grade you were in before…you know. You don't look much older than 18 or 19… Where you in college? I'd say high school senior, like me! Or perhaps freshman in college…

"S'cuse me, that's my cell. Gotta get outside to answer it."

-

"I got into an argument last night with Re… Yeah, I still on tell you their names… Anyway, R's the Guy's girl. You know, The guy? The one I told you about like, over a month ago? She's not really my friend so I'm not _that_ affected. I'm just royally pissed. I'll explain it all to you but first let me say this: people like her seriously deceive me sometimes. Don't get me wrong, she's great --so great he's in love with her. But she's got flaws.

"I'll give you an example, alright? Not really an example 'cause it's what happened but… okay, you'll see.

"So R made this promise to this other girl, with whom she's been friends for less than two years. They decided they would go to the same college. And her dream had always been to go to Jonan University, but now she wants to go to Tokyo U. There's nothing wrong with Tokyo U, believe me, but why go there if she wants to go to Jonan? I don't get her, seriously! She told me that the program there was less complicated and more direct than at Jonan! I'm sorry, but she's got it all wrong. She didn't even know Tokyo U had this commerce program before meeting this girl. I don't even know her name.

"I told her what I thought and she said I was wrong. You can't tell me my opinion's wrong, it's an opinion! Man, sometimes, I swear…"

-

"I got over my crush on _him_ now. It's been what, four months since I told you first? A long time…. Can't believe it took me that long to get over him. I knew he had a girlfriend and that he didn't like me… I'm slow, won't you agree?

"I'm reading this awesome book for school. Everybody's whining about the length. I know a guy who's not whining, but that's because he doesn't read it. I tried to tell him he would fail his test but he won't listen to anyone so I'm wasting my time.

"I talked with a couple of girls I had never talked to before and I learned something very interesting. They would rather bring books with pink covers and titles like, I dunno, _Ten Ways to Get A Boyfriend_ than real literature. I'd be more ashamed to travel with _Ten Ways to Lose A Boyfriend_.

"I don't get people, seriously."

-

"I lost my virginity the other day.

"Don't blush, please. And don't look at me weird, alright? I don't know why I did it. I was kinda drunk, but not really at the same time. I was aware of what I was doing, you know? Maybe it would have been better if I had been completely drunk. I don't even remember with _whom_ I did it! I think he had red hair, but his face's a blur. You would think I'd remember this night all my life, but I can't. I'm not really sorry about it, though. I mean, I heard first times are always pretty messy and awkward, so perhaps it's better if I can't remember it. I just hope I didn't start crying or something."

-

"I got fired. This is probably the last time I'll talk to you. The only reason I could come in this late was 'cause of my job anyway.

"It was really nice talking to ya.

"Probably the nicest eight months of my life."

-

When he wakes up, the first thing he remembers is her voice. It's clear and beautiful in his mind, and he knows everything she said to him by heart. He only knows the words and the sound of her voice but it's enough. He decides he's going to find her some day, and that day is going to be soon.

The nurse and doctor --both are women-- come in rushing the moment they remark he's awake. He doesn't recognize the special timbre that's so unique of her when they talk so he knows he'll have to look deeper.

They give him a glass of water and the first thing he asks is 'Where's the girl who came to sit here?' to which the nurse answers 'What girl? There were quite a few!' with a wink. This doesn't help, not at all, but he doesn't back down. They can't remember a girl with a slightly husky and warm voice that used to come here. But they remember a pretty girl with violet eyes and another one with brown eyes. He knows those are his friends.

His mom runs into his arms the minute she enters the room. He barely has time to smile at her before she faints. He's not too worried, though; she's always been fragile like that. His cousin is standing near the doorway with a blank expression, and he comes by the bed and stares at the floor.

"He's dead. Tama, he's fucking dead."

Tamahome knows who Chichiri --his cousin, his brother-- is talking about, but he can only nod. His throat hurts like a bitch so he cannot speak. It's a shame because he's got so much to say. A few minutes ago he managed to utter a few broken words to ask the question 'Where's the girl?' but now he only feels exhausted. He doesn't want to sleep, though; he's just been reunited with his family --his mom fainted but at least he saw her-- and he wants to live the moment.

It's been eight months since the accident. He can say he wasted eight months of his life by falling into a coma, but he can't say that. Because those months, this prolonged sleep, allowed him to fall in love with a voice, an image. He's never felt this alive --and this sleepy.

Chichiri is staring at the floor still, but Tamahome knows it's only to hide the tears that are falling. He wants to raise his hand and hug his cousin but he's too weak. Damned weakness.

-

He's out of the hospital now, and he feels ashamed he couldn't come to his cousin Hotohori's funerals. It was Tamahome who had been driving that night but Hotohori who had died. Chichiri had gotten out without being really injured, except for a broken wrist and a cut on his right eye that sealed it shut.

Tamahome knows that his cousin his devastated by the death of his brother, but he also knows that Chichiri is strong and that he's getting adapted to life as an only child --slowly, but surely. Tamahome is trying to be here for him, but he needs to get his life back on track.

He had just begun college when the accident had happened, so he's got to start his freshman year all over again. It's been at least two months since he was let out of the hospital, and the school year starts in three days. He only has the time to buy his furniture and books and immerse himself into the familiar atmosphere of college. He doesn't really know how he'll do that --facing his old friends, his teachers, and the rest of his family.

But he knows he'll manage. Because he will find _her_ --somehow; he still doesn't know how he'll do it-- and everything will fall back in place.

-

It's not the first time he tries to picture her. He wonders if she'll have long hair or short hair (he's a partisan of semi-long hair), dark hair or light hair (he likes both but he prefers really dark hair), brown eyes or pale eyes (as long as they don't look lifeless), if she's tall or short (he's rather short himself so he'd prefer her short, too), plump or thin (he just doesn't want her anorexic), pretty or ugly (he'd rather she was pretty, but he already loves her so it doesn't matter much).

He knows she won't be perfect. But those one-sided conversations she had with him for eight months showed him her true side. And she's pretty much perfect in his _mind_.

-

He's a month into the school year when he hears a voice. It resembles the one he listened to for so long, so he raises his head, excited.

And he immediately knows who she is.

She's just like her voice. She's seems warm and seductive, kind and patient, passionate and a little lonely.

She's also beautiful (he tells himself it's a bonus, a great bonus), with long hair the color of burnished auburn and sultry green eyes. She's got curves and she's not too tall. She's not thin but you can see she's not fat either.

He falls in love again, just watching her.

She hasn't seen him yet (she's talking to another girl with shoulder-length blonde hair) so he takes this time to compose himself and prepare what to say. He gets up, feeling like a ten year-old having his first crush, and he walks to her. She finally notices him, and he wants to run away.

_Be a man._

Yes, he's going to be a man. He's going to sweep her off her feet and kiss her like there's no tomorrow. Only not right now.

She smiles politely, probably wondering why he's coming toward her. He opens his mouth and tries not to stutter when he says 'Can I talk to you in private?' She looks surprised but she nods, and he knows he's a step closer to victory.

Once out of the classroom, he doesn't know what to say anymore. He's revised this moment millions of times in his head, always playing a different scenario, but always declaring his flame. Now that he's back in the real world he realizes he can't just ask her to marry him or something equally out of the blue.

So he tries, and he decides that she'd probably prefer something spontaneous than a minded speech.

"You never told me why you got fired."

He can tell she's lost a second. And then she looks mortified. And she blushes. And he feels like his insides are melting and his heart is beating way too fast (he's convinced he's gonna have a heart attack) and his hands are sweating and he's just hoping she won't go off in the other direction because she'll break his heart without even knowing him.

But she stays, and she looks at him in the eyes (he can see she's really embarrassed and he just wants to kiss her senseless).

He continues.

"And I'm really happy you talked to me. And, uh, yeah… I suck at speeches."

She doesn't say a word for another minute, then she smiles, then she laughs, then she hugs him, and he's so surprised he freezes but he immediately embraces her back.

_I'm in love with the perfect girl_, he thinks as he squeezes her tighter, _and I'm punching the daylights out of this random redhead guy the minute I see him._

**-**

**Dedicated to MiraShio (TamaMi pairing just for you! ;D) and febrerocher (for surviving cancer once again!) **

R&R yo


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